tsunami: i've been meaning to write this

let me start off by saying 

i'm sorry for the "missionary card".

i'm sorry for words you fully meant 

through gritted teeth

and the broken heart hiding inside the mouth already opened

i'm sorry i was a coward

who didn't ask you for permission face to face,

eye to eye,

heart to heart

your best friend told me it was okay,

but i knew okay wasn't the yes it needed to be

still, i looked past logic

which later buried me in an engulfing quicksand of guilt

so i'm sorry for unrequited decisions

absentminded thinking

and quick impulse

 but mostly i'm sorry our friendship that was building 

got torn down by water and wind

after the sun went down

10 months ago.

waves i no longer see in the school halls

but wish i could replicate

the friendship torn down by water, wind, and fell into utter confusion 

hurt, doubt, and something i couldn't understand

i watched it hit the ground

hit the ground and crack its skull right open

hit the ground and bleed right through wavy brown hair and fragile skin

you were never anything but nice to me

and i looked up to you

more than you know

if only i would've asked you heart to heart

because even though i thought you didn't care,

i should've known better

my bad for only seeing the ocean

and not looking for the tsunami

i should've known better

than to think you were over him

because i know i wouldn't of been

i knew better

but i only looked at the ocean

the inviting waves that soaked up the rocky shore.

so i'm sorry

the tsunami came

and washed up all the feelings 

hidden beneath the surface

i'm sorry for starting a storm,

and not telling you the forecast

Everything

Came so quick,

i just want you to know that i apologize

sincerely.

i know that things will never be the same,

and that you hate the storm.

i can't change what already took place,

and nothing makes me feel worse.

so here i am writing another apology letter,

but it needed to be said.

I'm sorry for the tsunami.

the 

                            tsunami

that

                         

             was

me