I wish I saw stars

spinning and twirling my yellow dress flows,

you called me the sun,

i called you mine.

you're eyes were only meteors when i first met them,

but honey, 

they quickly turned into stars.

remember the time we went to space?

you told me that the sun was the only thing keeping this solar system alive,

i blushed.

you told me that when the other planets lose their way,

they revert back to fire.

we had fire, but it gone blown out in the night.

you had fire and it was in your heart

but it's in your eyes,

and the last time we talked i saw flames. 

i don't know if the milky way looks a little more like tequila now,

or if the moon took over your solar system

 but gosh dammit.

the moon must've taken over your solar system

cause baby,

I only see black in your eyes.

my dress is still yellow and hers is gray

hers is gray 

and your eyes are black.

i've always thought gray and black were too neutral.

my dress doesn't impress you anymore, but you told me i'd always be your favorite color.

maybe it's only because the universe used to spin around yellow.

i'm scared for the solar system,

but I'm tired of competing with the moon.

every 11:11 wish i'm praying for a new star.

remember when you had stars in your eyes?

the sun still shines but the moon has more hours during the day.

the moon took over your universe,

and i knew that as i looked into your eyes,

i must've wished upon too many stars.

REAL TALK

I can't think during school 

but 2 am knows how to get my brain rolling.

i write all my posts late at night and regret it in the morning.

real talk.

yes, i want him to go back out.

no, i actually don't. 

i don't know how many kisses i've had,

i know how many guys i've kissed.

real talk.

no pill can make you "happy"

but you got to remember that sometimes,

happiness isn't a choice.

medications aren't for the insane,

and if we actually knew how common depression was,

maybe we'd find it not so different.

real talk.

i'm more than tired every single day because i stay up too late,

but i feel bad falling asleep in class.

does seminary count as a class?

maybe i got mono from boy #7.

real talk.

most of the time i don't give a shit what people think about me,

a lot of the time i do.

i cried the first time i swore

so yeah, i hate swearing (but i still do it)

real talk. 

i'm so freaking sick of getting glares in the hall from my boyfriend's ex,

i want to leave those crowded halls more than anything.

wait, did i say leave?

i meant stay.

i want to stay in those halls forever so i don't have to grow up.

but on second thought,

i want some people to grow up.

i guess i'll see you in one and a half, maybe two?

real talk.

i kind of really hate byu now

but the institute dance at uvu sucked

so i think i'll root for utah (sorry dad).

nobody will judge me there either.

real talk.

i waited two years to get my drivers license because i was too scared to take my road test.

worst decision of my life because i passed the first time i took it.

im a perfectionist and i hate that about myself,

but my crayons taught me that it's okay to color outside the lines here and there.

real talk.

i hate when people call each other babe or bae because i think they're calling me by nickname.

the pda at lone peak is a problem.

and my logic is that if you honestly can't save it for later, 

might as well skip class.

my eyes are half way shut already and i won't be able to open them again if i close them

to save myself from your nasty affection.

real talk.

i hate when people call mr. smith "smith"

and you'd only know why i hate that if you took his class.

jimmie smith is probably the only teacher who doesn't hate me for my tardy problem 

and last week, i got my english class out of writing a paper.

i'm almost positive mrs. gardner hates me now.

real talk.

i feel bad pulling a senior prank because rhonda bromley is such a genuine lady.

but in all honesty,

sometimes i want to vandalize lone peak for a slam poetry video.

if you asked me what my favorite class was, i'd say nelson's

and it's not just because we watch videos about "selectively dancing frogs" (...yeah i'll leave that one there) 

and still get english credit.

real talk.

nelson's class is my favorite because it showed me how to express myself;

how to create, how to think, but most importantly,

how to feel and keep feeling.

nelson's class is in my 2 am thoughts and 

real talk,

i don't even mind.

thanks for everything.

xoxo,

Lola J.