let's sit in the cellar

rational

irrational

fine lines and faded ones

fears

too many of them

temporary

long lasting

like a wound that just won't seem to heal,

a scar you'll never forget.

fears

if you don't fear

you're not human.

if you've never felt your heart beating too fast, if your palms have never turned into a sweaty alaska 

or your breaths have never filled your lungs with trial,

you're not human

because everyone is here to fear.

everyone.

the storm is swelling and embossed with worry, so why don't we sit in the cellar.  

while the tornado passes overhead,

let's sit in the cellar.

i wanna talk about the unspoken demons

the ones who sit in the bottom of our heart, in our own personal cellar. the ones we have locked away

with a key so small, nobody else could ever find it

except for you

cause you're the guard of your cellar and i'm the guard of mine

we decide for ourselves who we let in

and who we keep out

so come inside. 

unlock your cellar 

i'll unlock mine, 

we can talk about what we're afraid of.

let's let our minds drift away from the fact 

that there is horror spinning out of control,

on the other side of this plastered wall.

let's rest on the fact that the tornado is miles away

from here,

and i'm here

with you

let's sit in my cellar and i'll tell you my fears.

cause just like everybody else,

i'm afraid.

i'm afraid of graduation and not getting a perfect A for every class this last quarter. i'm afraid of the lone peak halls and the class room walls. i'm afraid of using pencil in my creative writing journal because i don't want to look like a coward. i'm afraid of losing my crayons. i'm afraid of being someone i'm not. i'm afraid of turning into [insert name here]. i'm afraid of being in over my head. i'm afraid of ski racks. i'm afraid of bike racks. I'm afraid of skiing. i'm afraid of cold weather. i'm afraid of sharing my favorite chapstick with anyone (but someone). i'm afraid of love, because i think i lost it once. i'm afraid of searching for something that will never be there. i'm afraid of heartbreak. i'm afraid of causing it. i'm afraid of friendship. i'm afraid i'm not a good friend. i'm afraid of losing another friend. i'm afraid of drugs. i'm afraid of alcohol. i'm afraid of prescriptions that don't work and that do. i'm afraid of the light that flickers in the alpine cemetery. i'm afraid i'll rest there someday. i'm afraid of death. i'm afraid of alaska and washington. i'm afraid of the bitter darkness of any month existing between november and january. i'm afraid of how cold-hearted people can be. i'm afraid of guys that have longer hair than me. i'm afraid of young boys who have facial hair. i'm afraid of people who look older than their age. i'm afraid of people older than me. i'm afraid of my waiter getting my order wrong. i'm afraid of not being right. i'm afraid of dipping myself in any expectation i can't reach. i'm afraid i won't end up like my parents. i'm afraid of getting married. i'm afraid of making mistakes.i'm afraid of having my husband cheat on me. i'm afraid for my aunt's kids. i'm afraid for my kids. i'm afraid of not being a kid.i'm afraid of growing up. i'm afraid of the thought of being infinite. 

i'm afraid of never expiring

i don't want to be another unopened wine bottle,

i don't want to be another unopened wine bottle.

i don't want to be another unopened wine bottle, who sits in the cellar forever

infinite means forever,

and forever is a long time to be afraid.

i'm afraid i'm afraid of too many things

and i just want to sit in your cellar,

so i don't feel so alone.

only yesterday did i realize

that the definition of courage is not to have no fear

but to fear everything,

and not be afraid

to not be afraid of fearing.

because forever is a long time.

forever is a long time to be afraid.