my dear friend,

there's 92 days till graduation and I'm not thinking about school

theres only 1 today

1 tomorrow

1 february 25th, 2015

and I still didn't think that day would be yesterday

we're not thinking about others but we're thinking about school

and the biology test that is coming up next friday

the english homework that was due wednesday

who's carpooling to the next basketball game with who

nobody seems to give a freaking crap about anything else,

other than themselves

you'd think every tomorrow would be different

but it never is.

last night twitter told me a bed time story,

a slap-in-the-face, reality check, heart wrenching story 

of the sweetheart who sat next to me in spanish sophomore year

it was a story I've heard one too many times 

two too many times

three too many times

because we all seem to forget

I apologize bryce

I apologize hunter

I apologize terik

I apologize for pretending I was there,

along with the rest of the student body.

I'm sorry for not making a difference

I'm sorry for saying I see you,

when really my eyes were looking at my diploma

I'm sorry for all the people I didn't smile to in the halls

because I was too insecure myself

at school, I was only thinking about school

and how I didn't do my math homework from last week

now I'm thinking of everything but

                   get

          me 

            

                      out, 

               get

                             me 

                                                     out, 

                                               get 

                                  me 

       out

my foot is on the gas pedal and I think I'm going 30 over

no flashing lights are stopping me

I'm not even stopping me

but I should be.

yesterday I got pulled over

yesterday was the day I realized I need to slow things down

yesterday my friend took his own life

he took his own life

he took his own life

he had his own life

I wish he would've seen a lot of things

I wish he could've seen the future 

and the sunset that would come in only a half an hour

the next 10 miles he had to drive only lasted so long

and he still had the next 75 to go

I wish I could see more

I wish I knew what everyone was going through

but I don't.

I want to help 

mainly,

because of you.

I'll try my best to do that

because of you.

angel,

it wasn't the end

high school is not the end

and I know you're still here

don't let us forget.

please, help us remember.

school is messed up because kindness isn't always the answer

the right brain never made room to help

and thats why we have a left

I took a sharp left on the way home from school today

with no music playing in my car

silence seems to end up saying the most

so I decided to listen to my mind

just so I could let my mourning memory of you engulf what is left of me 

I can feel your pain in the front of my brain,

and the sorrow that drowned you, fills up my heart

I'm feeling your suffering and affliction,

but mostly I'm feeling a sense of compassion,

a complete sense of unconditional love.

I'm feeling you tap on my shoulder once again

just like sophmore year,

having me turn around to see you once more

and smiling.

I'm feeling you wanting to help me

this time its not about the quiz we took, or the test we're studying for

this time it's about you, and I, and being there to help each other.

let me hear the words leave your lips so I know you believe them too

"you are not alone"

because those words sum up what I'm really feeling.

what we all are feeling.

I pray that you finally feel that too.

my sweet friend

if I can promise you anything,

I promise you i'll never forget.

yesterday I got pulled over

and driving those last 10 miles home,

I was only thinking about you.

we'll never forget. 

Terik Gagon

2/25/15